By Chef Alben Parsley
Businessman by Day... Aspiring Chef When the Mood Hits Him

Step 1: Tossing the dough makes for a lighter crust.

Pizza is the ultimate in egalitarian cooking. It’s cheap, easy and almost everybody likes a good pizza. To most people, you can make it any way you like and it’s still a pizza. These people are, of course, mistaken. Without regard to what you top it with, a pizza is only a pizza under the following conditions.

It Must Have a Crust. A local pizzeria was advertising “low-carb” pizza. How could this be? The crust alone has enough carbohydrates to rev up an entire Kenyan marathon team. As it turns out, the restaurant was serving the top of the pizza sans crust. Yuck!

Step 2: Use rolling pin for uniform crust thickness.

It Must Have Tomato-based Sauce. If you’re going to cover a pizza with some fancy white sauce, have the decency to give it a fancier name. Flatbread is the locally popular name for that thing that looks like a pizza but isn’t red enough.

It Must Be Cut Into Eighths. This isn’t my rule. I’ve seen this as a New York Times Crossword clue: “a slice of pizza.” Answer: “eighth.” How much more authority do you need?

Step 3: Toss in some Worcestershire for added punch.

After these conditions are met, you can do pretty much whatever you like. The pizza featured here has onions, bell peppers, olives, sun-dried tomatoes, mushrooms and pepperocinis. I like to sauté most of these vegetables. The pizza won’t be in the oven long enough to soften the veggies, so I give them a little help in the skillet.

I always prefer mozzarella cheese for the topping. Any cheese that is soft enough to melt and cover the pie will work fine.

Step 4: Spread sauce and cheese to edges.

Top it with your favorites. The recipe below will get you started:

2 Cups Flour
1 Package of Active Yeast
Olive Oil
16 oz Tomato Sauce
3 oz Tomato Paste

Start with about 1-1/4 cups of flour. Add a package of yeast, two tablespoons of oil and a cup of very warm tap water. Use a mixer to thoroughly blend for 3 minutes. Stir in another ½ cup of flour. Knead dough, cover and set aside for 10 minutes.

Step 5: Add your favorite toppings.

Meanwhile, stir tomato paste into tomato sauce.

Spread dough on a flour surface. If anybody’s watching, toss dough into the air for that authentic effect. Spread dough to the edges of your pizza pan while maintaining a uniform thickness of dough about the pan. This might be a good time to ensure your wedding band hasn’t slipped off into the mixture.

Step 6: Ta-dah! Pass the chianti!

Bake the crust for about 10 minutes at 425 degrees.

Remove and cover with sauce, cheese and any other ingredients.

Bake for another 10-12 minutes. Serve and then bask in the love of everyone who loves your pizza!

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